A New Beginning
by Dara Chee
15 September 2006
A
few years ago, I would have never thought that God would lead me to
what I’m doing now today. A few years ago, I would have doubted
myself about doing anything remotely out of my comfort zone. I guess
that’s why God brought me through all the rollercoaster trials that
occurred before I joined LYnC.
Before LYnC, I was from the Youth Fellowship (YF) and Chosen
Generation Service (CG), two platforms that I realized later that
were actually training grounds from where I experienced a large
growth spurt in my worship and spiritual life. However, when these
two ministries started to crumble right when I was ready to give my
all, I was lost, confused and really desperate to seek God in where
He was leading me. Thoughts of leaving church occurred automatically
since the majority of my friends have left, one by one over the
period of a year. This affected me quite a lot as I started to
struggle to hang on to what was left. Just as I was ready to pick up
the pieces, the ground was totally pulled under me as the ministry
where I “grew” in would totally be gone.
In the midst of all the confusion and hurt, I was invited to join a
group of leaders, which was later to become a group of leaders who
were going to lead a new youth ministry. I was wary at first, only
knowing at that time that I only wanted to do what God willed me to
do. Asking around, I realized that most of the leaders from YF who
were invited to join this new ministry rejected it and I found
myself alone in this group of new people.
For the first initial meetings, it was painful to be among a new
group of people while my old friends were not in it. It made me feel
like a traitor, abandoning a sinking ship and jumping into a
lifeboat when everyone else was lost. This made me feel even more
guilty and torn about the decision. Some of my old friends even
warned me about the difficulty and burdens of the ministry and that
since I was starting university, it could get quite draining after
awhile. They worried about me getting burned out. But I carried on
seeking God for His will and answer.
One morning, just when I was preparing for the new leader’s cell,
God suddenly spoke to me through this verse,
“For it is God who works in you
to will and to act according to his good purpose.” Philippians 2:13
And it suddenly struck me that
God would be seeing me through all the way in this new path that I
take and that if God is working in me for his good purpose, no
matter how tired I am, He will sustain me with His strength and
will! This was the answer to what I was seeking God for.
After taking the plunge and looking back now, I can see how far God
has really brought me through. The first few months weren’t exactly
easy and bright. Even in the new youth ministry, I felt isolated,
insecure about myself and lonely. Even though outwardly, I was this
new, excited cell leader, I was slowly sliding back into self-pity,
loneliness and misery inside. This focus on myself led to a
dependence on my own strength which gradually burned me out. It also
prevented me from forming relationships and fellowship with the
youths because I was so focused on my inabilities and troubles all
the time.
I thought about leaving LYnC a lot during those times. But the verse
that He gave me at the start pushed and dragged me on. I thought, if
God put me in here, there must be something He’s teaching me about.
Looking back now, they were actually months of God’s training. As I
started to let go self-focused thoughts and started to seek more of
God, it also broke through this barrier and led me to be more open
with others.
It was like a new beginning all over again! God then led me into
some strong godly friendships with some of the youth leaders which
I’m really thankful to Him for! After sharing this testimony to some
of them, I realized that each of us really went through a lot during
this whole first year as leaders in this youth ministry. But we all
walked around with “I’m perfectly fine” masks all the time that all
of us didn’t know each one of us were actually hurting deeply
inside. These realizations are leading us into strengthening our
relationships with one another even as we seek God together.
I’m really thankful to God for really all that He has done in my
life. Without Him, I wouldn’t have been able to carry on depending
on my own strength. He brought me through trying difficult times and
yet was with me all the way through. He gave me wonderful
friendships which are continually strengthened everyday as we find
out more about each other and as we seek God and depend on each
other. I am truly thankful for all that He has taught me and brought
me through.
Looking at this past year and all that has happened in such a short
time, I can’t even imagine what God has in store for all of us for
years to come. There’re hints of His mighty work even coming our way
now! But even with these exciting thoughts, I know that God will
work and act, all according to His good purpose. And just as He has
done for the past year, I know that He would continue to strengthen
us through for the time to come even as we grow in our walk with
Him. Praise the Lord for all that He has done! =)
Dara
